Jump Back On (Again)

Hello my twisted world...

Wow! I can't believe I have neglected my blog again. It is so hard for me to commit to this online blogging because I have so many things to do at the same time. I am not trying to find excuses but yeah sometimes it is hard for me just to jump on my lappie and start typing. But, I still keep journaling in my little note book every time I feel like I can't bear it anymore. I do not talk a lot so to ease my mind I share it through journaling or for times like this, it is on my blog-which is rare but I will try to do more of it.

From the last post, you guys have known little parts of me. It might be only a small part but for me, that's cool enough to begin with. I always believe that greater things always come from small things whether you realise it or not. We might begin from just small part of my story but I am sure it will be great.

It has been a year and 2 months since my last post and during those times, so many things have changed. There are some goals that I can finally achieve, and there are always some that are left unaccomplished. There are some problems that I can finally find the solutions for, but there are always new problems created along the way. Sometimes you are aware of the problem but most of the time it just comes crashing down into your world and rain on your parade.

Our lives are subject to change and I believe we all know this. But what we sometimes do not realise is that the changes come without any notice. It feels like our lives can change just in the blink of an eye or the snap of your fingers. And that's scary, at least for me.

I remember last year, my focus in life was to complete my bachelor degree so that I could put my nicest and biggest smile on my graduation day in the graduation gown, surrounded by the people I care and love dearly. I finally did it according to my original plan and I was so happy about it. Of course life was not easy back then but at least it was less complicated. I was still a student back then and all my responsibility is to study well and achieve great result in the end of every semester and I kinda did it. *Yey me!*

Towards the end of last year, I thought I had found something but unfortunately, it was found only to be lost again the next year. I once believed that I finally had it all but you can't always count on that because even on the top of the mountain you still will encounter wind and rain. For this matter, I haven't found the best solution yet so I can't really say much. But what I believe now is that it happened only to teach me a lesson so that I can do better next time.

It is in times like this, that you can finally look at things closer and think about them more clearly than you have ever done before. During those moments I learn that I can't control everything that happens to me and there are some circumstances that even though I try my best to avoid them, still in the end I find myself lost in it. But those things and situations are not there only to make my life miserable. There are far greater reasons why I have been put in the situations I am not comfortable to be or why I met people, trust them with my heart and found myself hurt in the end. Time has passed and I can't undone what has been done. The only thing left is my decision whether I still fall deep into grief or recover and learn from it only to be a better person.

One thing that I can't help to share with you is that although it feels like you are in this world alone and no one seems to be serious to fight with you in the battle, there's someone who is always faithful. Since the very beginning, He created you on purpose and before you were born and the very moment you were, He beamed with joy. He created you and trust me He is not the kind of creator who abandon His creation right after the creation fails to fulfil the designated purpose. He is the kind of creator who pursues us even in our darkness, take us back again on track, and walk together, side by side, until we finally reach the end of the track.

It is only because of His grace that I can still be here in this world, 100% healthy and still breathing. Through life, He has shown me His blessings, His favour and His faithfulness. Through tears and joy that I experience in life, God is gracious because that way I can see His faithfulness in my life and that is the only thing that makes this life worth living and fighting for. It is because I can see and I can learn to know and witness the presence of God in each and every moment of my life, whether it is joyful or hurtful moments. Trust me that although you are in the battle that does not seem to end soon, you need to cherish every tears from it because at times like that when you draw closer to God, He will draw closer to you. You might not seem to won the battle or worst you might seem to have lost all you have in the battle but when you can taste the presence of God even in those stormy nights, I guarantee that you have found the purpose of your battle in that very moment. That is to find Him and to know Him more personally in order to know that we are here in this world not merely to make a history but to live in such a way that through our lives, God is glorified.




Cheers,



Lil' Miss Something